OK, everybody, say hi to Jane.

Hi Jane. Hi Jane.

Jane, like all of us, has a keen interest in her faith and how it relates to all aspects of her life. Don't worry Jane, it's all very informal. Don't be scared.

OK.

I'll just sit next to Jane then, shall I? Don't worry. I won't bite you.

Oh? I won't break your neck then.

OK, well, we're all getting to know Jane, so have any questions for her?

Jane, I was wondering, have you been religious all your life or is it something that's happened to you quite recently?

Ummm … both.

I don't think I quite understand your answer.

Oh, I'm sorry. Both!

Can I just ask, what aspect of the religious experience most appeals to you?

What aspect?

Yes.

Of the religious experience? Of the many aspects of the religious experience?

Exactly.

Is my favorite? Well … I'd have to say … God.


God?

He's good, isn't He?

Well, I don't think you'll get much argument out of us lot.

Ooh, and that was just my first go!

Ah, can I ask something?

You go right ahead, dear.

What do you think of the crisis of faith?

Sounds fantastic!

Sometimes I find—when my prayers seem to go unanswered and it's so very hard to find God's love in my life—that it's difficult to keep believing that God is still a real force in the world, watching over us. I find doubt so often in my heart.

You know, [turns to James] perhaps I can help here?

Sure, go ahead. That's what this is all about.

What's your name?

Andrew.

Andrew, lovely! Well, Andrew, there's something I probably better explain. God is just a made up person. You can't expect Him to be answering your prayers if He's not real, can you? That's a bit like writing to the characters of a soap opera and expecting a reply, Mr. Silly Sausage.

Ah, Jane?

Yes? James.

We are of the opinion that God is in fact real.

No!

Yes!

He's not, is He?

You don't believe in God?

Well, I suppose I never found Him very realistic.

Well, here we all adhere to the idea of one true, loving God, I'm afraid.

Oh no, that can't be right.

I'm sorry?

You see they've got different gods in different countries. You should've checked that.

Well yes, obviously, there are other faiths—

What if they're like MPs? And there's different gods for different areas, and they all sort of report to a sort of head god. … Thor, or somebody.

Thor?

Thor! The thunder god! The one with the hammer. We did him in school. He was totally my favorite. You know, I'm not that easy, but show me a muscular blonde who can control the weather, and this girl's on all fours.

OK, let's move on, should we? Does anyone else got something they want to discuss?

Perhaps we should go back to what we were discussing last week.

Ah yes, we had a very lively debate last week, didn't we?

Really? What about?

Sex before marriage.

Ah! Now you're talking my language.

We're against it.

I'm sorry?

A number of us feel that premarital sex is a very bad thing.

Well, you're so wrong. Shagging's brilliant! Take it when you can get it is what I say.

Ah, Jane, there are many different views on this. Some people are happy with the idea of multiple partners. Some people, like myself, simply prefer to avoid premarital sex.

What you don't seem to realize is—

Is something wrong, Jane?

Nooooooooooo!